{"id":70420,"date":"2022-11-02T08:03:24","date_gmt":"2022-11-02T15:03:24","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/blog.mozilla.org\/?p=70420"},"modified":"2024-06-10T15:07:48","modified_gmt":"2024-06-10T22:07:48","slug":"how-to-talk-to-kids-about-video-games","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/blog.mozilla.org\/en\/internet-culture\/how-to-talk-to-kids-about-video-games\/","title":{"rendered":"How to talk to kids about video games"},"content":{"rendered":"
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Credit: Nick Velazquez \/ Mozilla<\/figcaption><\/figure><\/div>\n\n\n
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\"Dr.<\/figure>
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Dr. Naomi Fisher is a U.K.-based clinical psychologist specializing in trauma and autism. She\u2019s the author of <\/em>\u201cChanging Our Minds: How Children Can Take Control of Their Own Learning.\u201d<\/em><\/a> Her writing has also appeared in the British Psychological Society\u2019s <\/em>The Psychologist<\/em><\/a>, among other publications. You can follow her on <\/em>Twitter<\/em><\/a>. Photo: Justine Diamond<\/em><\/pre>\n<\/div><\/div>\n\n\n\n
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I spend a lot of time talking to parents about screens<\/a>. Most of those conversations are about fear.  <\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cI\u2019m so worried about my child withdrawing into screens,\u201d they say. \u201cAre they addicted? How can I get them to stop?\u201d  <\/p>\n\n\n\n
I understand where they are coming from. I\u2019m a clinical psychologist with 16 years of experience working in the U.K. and France, including for the U.K. National Health Service and in private practice. I\u2019m also the mother of an 11-year-old girl and a teenage boy. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cScreen time\u201d has become one of the bogeymen of our age. We blame screens for our children\u2019s unhappiness, anger or lack of engagement. We worry about screen time incessantly, so much so that sometimes it seems that the benchmark of a good parent in 2022 is the strictness of your screen time limits.<\/p>\n\n\n
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\"\"<\/a>
 Credit: Nick Velazquez \/ Mozilla<\/em><\/figcaption><\/figure><\/div>\n\n\n
Defining screen time<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n
The oddest thing about this is that \u201cscreen time\u201d doesn\u2019t really exist. You can\u2019t pin it down unless you think that the screen itself \u2013 a sheet of glass \u2013 has a magical, harmful effect. A screen is merely a portal to many activities that also happen offline. These include gaming, chatting, reading, writing, watching documentaries, coding, learning languages and art \u2013 I could go on.  <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Just yesterday, my teenager and I played the online word puzzle Redactle<\/a> together. We\u2019ve been doing it daily for months, and we\u2019ve learned about history, science, poetry and bed bugs along the way. Do word puzzles become damaging because they are accessed via a sheet of glass? <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Still, parents are afraid of \u201ctoo much\u201d screen time, and they want firm answers. \u201cIs 30 minutes a day too much?\u201d they ask. When in turn I ask them what their children are doing on screens, they rarely have much idea. \u201cWatching rubbish\u201d or \u201cwasting time\u201d are common responses. It\u2019s not often that parents spend time on screens with their children, many of them saying that they don\u2019t want to encourage it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Stop counting the minutes<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n
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I tell parents to stop counting the minutes for a moment, and instead spend some time watching their children without judgment. They return surprised. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Parents see their children socializing with friends as they play. They\u2019re designing their own mini-games, or memorizing the countries of the world. They\u2019ve built the Titanic in Minecraft. The \u201cscreen time bogeyman\u201d starts to melt away.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
For me, screens give families an opportunity.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
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Photo: Lauren Psyk<\/em><\/pre>\n\n\n\n
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They are a chance to connect with our children by doing something they love. And for some young people, there are benefits that they can\u2019t find elsewhere.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Some children I meet don\u2019t feel competent elsewhere in their lives, but feel good about themselves when they play video games<\/a>. They tell me about Plants vs. Zombies and they come alive. We exchange tips on our favorite way to defend the house from marauding zombies.\u00a0 They love games, but everyone is telling them that they should be doing something else. Often, no other adult seems interested.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I see young people who are really isolated. They have difficulties making friends, or they have been bullied at school. Online gaming can be their first step towards making connections. They don\u2019t have to start with talking: They type on the in-game chat and when they feel ready, move onto voice chat. They emerge in their own time.  <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Some of the young people I work with have difficulty keeping calm throughout the day. For them, their devices provide a way to take up space. They put on their headphones and sink into a familiar game. They recharge, letting them cope with their day for a bit longer. It\u2019s a wonderfully portable way to decompress.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Do games cause unhappiness?<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n
I\u2019m not saying that there\u2019s never a reason to worry. I meet some young people who are very unhappy. They use gaming to avoid their thoughts and feelings, and they get very angry when asked to stop. The adults around them usually blame the games for their unhappiness, thinking that banning them would help improve their well-being.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
But here\u2019s the issue: Gaming is rarely the cause of the problem. Instead, it\u2019s a solution that a young person has found to cope with the way they are feeling. Sometimes, gaming can seem like the only thing that makes them happy. Banning video games takes that away, causing a child to feel angry with their parents at the same time. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
We need to address the root of their unhappiness rather than ban something they love, and we need to nurture that relationship. Sometimes, dropping the judgment around gaming can lead to parents and children reconnecting rather than fighting.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Valuing our children\u2019s interests<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n
Appreciating our children\u2019s love of screens is far more than just showing an interest in what they do. When they were little, we looked after their most precious toys, even if they were ragged and dirty. They were important because they were important to our child. We didn\u2019t tell them that their teddy bears were rubbish and we\u2019d like to get rid of them (even if we secretly thought exactly that), because we knew that would hurt them.  <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Now they\u2019re older, games and digital creations have replaced stuffed toys. When we demonize screens, we demonize the things our children love. We tell them that the things they value aren\u2019t valuable. We tell them the things they enjoy most are a waste of time. That is never going to be a good way to build a strong and supportive relationship.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Instead, I encourage parents to join their kids. Gaming might bore you, but you can be interested in your child and what makes them come alive. You can value their joy, their curiosity and their exploration. You can give the games a go and see what they find so enthralling. Download Brawl Stars, Minecraft or Roblox, and see if your child will show you how to play. If they don\u2019t want to, find a tutorial video for yourself. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Let them see that you are interested in their passions, because you are interested in them. They will see that you value them for who they are. And from that seed, many good things can grow.  <\/p>\n\n\n\n
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How to talk to kids about video games<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n
<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\"\" Watch what your kids do on screens<\/strong>, even if at first you don\u2019t see the point. Ask them to tell you about it or just observe.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\"\" Ask if you can join them<\/strong>, even if that means watching videos together. Resist the urge to denigrate what they are doing. Search for more websites similar to those they find interesting.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\"\" Try something different together.<\/strong> Make suggestions and expand their on-screen horizons. There are quizzes galore on Sporcle, or clever spin-offs from Wordle like Quordle, Absurdle and Fibble.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\"\" Connect over a board game.<\/strong> Many family board games have virtual editions. Our family loves the Evolution app. Try Carcassonne, Forbidden Island, Settlers of Catan, or the Game of Life.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\"\" Hang out together, apart. <\/strong>Online gaming can be a great way to spend time with your kids when you aren\u2019t with them. Kids can struggle to talk remotely but playing Minecraft or Cluedo together can be lots of fun, even miles apart.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
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The internet is a great place for families. It gives us new opportunities to discover the world, connect with others and just generally make our lives easier and more colorful. But it also comes with new challenges and complications for the people raising the next generations. Mozilla wants to help families make the best online decisions, whatever that looks like, with our latest series, <\/em>The Tech Talk<\/em><\/a>.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n\n  
\n  \"An  <\/div>\n  
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Talk to your kids about online safety<\/h3>      Get tips<\/span>   <\/div>\n<\/a>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Dr. Naomi Fisher is a U.K.-based clinical psychologist specializing in trauma and autism. She\u2019s the author of \u201cChanging Our Minds: How Children Can Take Control of Their Own Learning.\u201d Her writing has also appeared in the British Psychological Society\u2019s The Psychologist, among other publications. You can follow her on Twitter. Photo: Justine Diamond I spend a […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1889,"featured_media":70443,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[461998],"tags":[464157,27859],"coauthors":[464164],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"\nHow to talk to kids about video games<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Some children I meet don\u2019t feel competent elsewhere in their lives, but feel good about themselves when they play video games.\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/blog.mozilla.org\/en\/internet-culture\/how-to-talk-to-kids-about-video-games\/\" \/>\n<script type=\"application\/ld+json\" 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