How long would it take to read Kindle’s Terms and Conditions?

According to Choice Magazine, you’d have to set aside an entire work day, plus stay late and work through lunch, to get through all 73,198 words of Kindle’s Terms and Conditions. Since most of us probably didn’t even read the first screen, Choice hired Lawrence, an actor, to read them out loud to us. He barely made it to the end with his sanity.

Here’s a preview:

Do Terms and Conditions need to be this long and complicated? Maybe, maybe not. Mozilla believes that users trust products and services more when companies build in trust and user control. Using Lean Data Practices, for example, can help put companies on the road to being truly trustworthy.

As Choice Magazine notes, “No one should have to spend nine hours of their life reading a contract for a basic product.” Having to do so before using a Kindle makes buying a paperback at the local bookshop look even more attractive.

But if you’re determined to stick with your e-reader and be an informed consumer, you’ll need to take a day off to binge-watch the full readings. Forget the popcorn. You’ll want a strong pot of coffee.

Episode 1: No Hope

Lawrence starts out with flair, enunciation, vigor and a clean shirt. Have kids who use Amazon? Here’s a noteworthy passage.

Episode 2: The Kindle Strikes Back

Lawrence is feeling unhappy. Citizens of Illinois, take note with regards to digital facial recognition.

Episode 3: Return of the Jargon

Lawrence assumes the position many Kindle owners use daily and spends 13 minutes reading a non-exhaustive list of Amazon trademarks.

Episode 4: The Jargon Menace

Lawrence has hit the stage of cumulative dehumanization and notes the conflict between the rights of the consumer and the rights of the product.

Episode 5: Attack of the Semi-Colon

Lawrence discovers a possible typo that may render the whole thing void.

Episode 6: Revenge of the Syntax

Lawrence presses on.

Episode 7: The Farce Awakens

While you were around the corner at the taco truck, Lawrence persevered from his windowless conference room.

Episode 8: The Last Gibberish

Day 3. Fresh air. Lawrence is outside and reports that he feels great and dreams of Manderley. Shirt change.

Episode 9: Darkest Before the Dawn

Lawrence, we feel your pain. The end is near and yet so far away. Much happens in the final run-up. Lawrence encounters the Apache License full text for the tenth time. Goes for a stroll. Almost breaks down but finally makes it to the end.

Share on Twitter